Friday, February 3, 2012

I think I'll start posting my writings...

And until I start writing again, here's the beginning of a slew of old stuff. This one, The Change, I read last semester at a UPC. It was beyond exhilarating!

The Change

I'm confused by this feeling
Lacking strength scares me
Not feeling in control numbs me
I'm confused by these feelings

I feel like I'm in the middle of
an intricate puzzle
with no way to solve it
as if the keystone
is just out of reach
as if I'm missing
the obvious solution

I'm scared of not being loved
more afraid than I'm willing
to admit
I don't want to be alone
but feel unable to trust
in another's intentions any longer
I miss feeling as if I was in
my own fairytale
I miss feeling certain

The Change is beginning
to intimidate me
and I'm scared

I'm scared.

I'm scared
And it's consuming me
That frightens me
even more

I've been watching love sour
and writhe
as it's colored a shade of resentment

I've been feeling love ebb
into a semblance of apathy
tinged, fringed with guilt

I've been regarding love
as the most surreal experience
because the fear of its sting
has warped my ability to accept it

I've developed a fear
that I can't be loved
as I dreamed of being loved

I've developed a fear
that my misguided notions of love
were cultivated
through naive and unrealistic eyes
that my examples of love were lies

I'm scared of my growing, infectious 
cynical ideas of love

Yet...I see no escape.

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