Procrastination has slowly ebbed it's way into my list of habits. While I've no doubt made a sizeable dent in my room, the daunting task has yet to be finished. The deadline of semester's start is slowly, but surely, coming upon me. One week. I have one week completely free of classes, but full of work. I have one week to devote to everyone I have shunted socially. I have one week to prepare myself for six more classes. But hey! I'm only six classes away from my degree. I admit it's only an Associate's, but it's nice to be finished with even that small stepping stone. A couple years at a time, eh? With that accomplishment in sight, I've been constantly accosted with a pounding headache: college and scholarship research. If only I was some prodigal accounting genius whom every university was fighting over. Can I hear anyone say full ride scholarship? I would bust my ass off for an opportunity like that. I'm proud to say, I'm determined to get through school without loans and without an ounce of debt. Even if I have to take off every other year and work to save up tuition, I'll do it. After seeing all the debt my friends and peers have accrued, I am not willing to accept such a responsibility. This also means I need to learn to be even more frugal with my money. For now, the plan is Accounting. I have about a semester to completely figure this all out. While I thoroughly enjoy accounting, I don't want to decide on it, only to lose my love for it halfway through classes. I'm going to do some more research on event coordinating as well. I wish the two were more related so I could work towards both. While I adore the idea of becoming a professional event coordinator...accounting is a more practical goal. Damn headache.

I've also come to the sad, but logical realization that a wedding is not practical until all other aspects of life are in order. I want my career. This means I must finish school before focusing on anything else. I wish I could go marry Karl tomorrow and be done with it, but that just wouldn't be smart, would it? Sometimes I wish I had met him later in my school career, so I wouldn't be so easily distracted, but then I think of how happy he's made the last year for me, and the entire train of thought seems just ludicrous. Isn't happiness priceless? Everyone's worried that as soon as we're married we'll have kids. The plan is to get married, travel, settle down, and have just eachother for a few years. Here's where my logic gets a little fuzzy. Our dream is to travel for at least a year before we start our lives together. But travel requires money, and money requires a job. Starting our careers right after college would leave no time to cut out for marriage and a year of travel. That only leaves saving up from now until then, and starting our careers after we get back. It just sounds like a lot of money and is such a monumental challenge that it makes me tired just thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I was Mary Poppins, with a magic umbrella.

Growing up is scaring me. I'm feeling more and more sympathetic towards those crazy 35 year old men who still live with their mothers. Leaving home just sounds so...expensive. It sounds like such a headache. It's a whole new realm of ideals, and it feels like more and more of my naive innocence is being chipped away at. It's kind of sad and kind of...enlightening? But in a more terrifying way. At least I have Karl to worry about it with. That in itself is comforting rimmed with daunting, considering the fact that we're both five on the inside. When I think of us trying to be grown-ups, I think of the little rascals...saayyy, Darla and Alfalfa? They're six, trying to have an adult like relationship and be independent little buggers. The cutest damn things, but haven't an actual clue. Hahaha. And we wanna be parents. I think I just shit myself.

I don't think my mom is quite so sure on the accounting idea herself. She keeps having me look over the course plan again, and again, and again. Am I sure it isn't too much work? Am I sure I'm not gonna get burnt out with all those accounting classes? I guess I'm not totally sure yet. I've also realized I'm horrible at real decision making.

Isabella is continually blowing me away. The six year old doesn't say "Do you feel good?" or "He doesn't feel good." No. She says "Do you feel well?" or "He isn't feeling well." What six year old knows to switch good with well? I also am continually reminded that she will never need to be reassured on the subject of self confidence. Today I was commenting to Karl on just how gorgeous Isabella is, and she over heard me. "I know," she says. I asked her who I was talking about (me, she says), and how she knew I was talking about her. Her response? "Because I just looked at myself in the mirror." Hahahahahaha. And of course, what she saw in the mirror was gorgeous, so who else could I be talking about? She's even already gone through all my dresses and gotten me to promise to lend them all out once she's "my size and my age". She's gonna shit when she learns about prom.